Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
