i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was like eating out sand paper
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
cat food counts as protein by the way
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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