what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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