finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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