who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
