She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
