My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
