I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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