That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
