hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
