it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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