Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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