sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
