just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
