shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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