I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
