I cannot find my penis.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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