I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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