The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
