swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
