Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
