You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
