I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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