I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
