I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
