I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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