like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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