help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
