yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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