I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
