this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
FUCK WHALES
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