I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
