Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
