I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
