we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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