Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
