why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
