i would punch a child for taco bell
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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