wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
