there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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