I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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