just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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