So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
