I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
