I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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