The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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