found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
