I wish I could teleport
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
