I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
