I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
