If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
