Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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