I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
