Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
