New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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