I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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