Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
