I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
