The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
