the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Michael Bay diarrhea
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
