Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
