I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
