Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
