I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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