Me. At least after what I've been through.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
