i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
