he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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