come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
