and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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