I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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