I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
