I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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