WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
