My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
