The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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