shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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