hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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