Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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