All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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