I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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