How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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