dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
