We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
