honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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