New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
