He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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