how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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