On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
