My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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